Super Women

I have really struggled with this topic for quite some time now. During my pregnancy I almost felt this obligation to have a "natural" birth because that's what so many blogs and Pinterest posts said was the most safe and natural way for your body and your baby's. I found myself scared to have a baby because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do it without an epidural and was worried about what people would think if I were to get one. I ended up getting an epidural with Payson because the pain I felt during my labor was the most intense pain in my life and I honestly felt like if I didn't get some relief I was physically going to DIE! I don't mean to talk about this to freak anyone out who may be pregnant or want to get pregnant, or even to make those who can't have children feel bad. I am bringing this up because I feel like our society, women in general, has a problem with feeling like there is a right and wrong way to give birth. After I had Payson I didn't feel regret for having an epidural because it gave me such relief and made it so much easier come time to push when it wore off again. BUT what I did feel was that I was inadequate, that I wasn't tough, that I didn't compare to those "super moms" who could have babies without any medication and what the world considers "natural" but I'm hear to tell you that whether your child came out vaginally or C-section, whether you had an epidural or didn't have an epidural ALL BABIES ARE NATURAL! Payson wasn't suddenly some artificial baby because I chose to be medicated during labor. And that's kind of the point I wanted to make today. We shouldn't put so much emphasis on how the baby comes, but just all feel like SUPER WOMEN because we gave birth! I'm sure I'll still have thoughts of inadequacy occasionally when I see a friend post a picture of their new baby saying they had them without medication, but I'm now realizing that I shouldn't feel that way. Satan puts those thoughts into our head to make us feel worthless. We are all daughters of God whether we can have kids, can't have kids, or the process by which we had those children. At the end of the day we all walk away with a beautiful baby sent from heaven. So let's stop comparing, stop thinking we know best, and realize that every person is different and that's okay! Get out there and uplift and encourage one another. You are ALL strong Mommas! <3

*Photography by Ashley Ludlow*

You Deserve the Best!

      I'm not sure why the idea for this blog post came to mind, but I hope in someway it might help someone realize that it's worth trusting God with important decisions in your life even if you don't know where you might end up. I want to share the story of how God led me to Eric. :) 

 On December 8th it'll be 3 years since the day I met Eric (yes I keep track of that)

  and today I've been really pondering on a promise that God made me right before I met Eric.

 After I graduated from High School my life was kind of a mess.

 I thought I had everything planned out but it didn't seem like anything was really going how I felt it should

  AND I wasn't HAPPY!

  I remember one day I really felt like things weren't right

 and I just got this overwhelming feeling to cut some ties in my life that had been causing me a lot of stress.

 These were plans I thought then would be big parts of my life for a long time

  and it wasn't a decision between good or bad

  but rather good and better 

 that would ultimately lead me to BEST.

 I remember the thought came to mind clear as day,

  "I've got something better planned for you."

  I seriously felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders

 and decided that day that I wouldn't make any big decisions

  unless I KNEW they were what I needed.

  I've lost friends along the way,

 made new ones,

 and other old relationships have been strengthened

 but none of that seems to matter

 because this is where God needs me.

  And you know what?

  I'm HAPPY!

  I'm so grateful that God fulfilled His promise to me

  by sending me Eric!

 I've learned that I'm worth so much more than I thought in High School,

I've learned what it really means to love and be loved,

and I've learned that if you put your trust in God, He will never leave you hanging. 

Simple Joys

Today has been an off day for me, and I've been struggling to feel happy and myself. As I was sitting on my bed with my sweet almost 4 month old boy, I noticed that he was staring up at the ceiling fan spinning. I was struck with the thought, "Children find joy in some of life's most simple things." As I laid down beside him and watched with him I started to think about all of the things that my baby finds joy in. Watching the ceiling fan spin, hitting and grabbing the hanging toys on his bouncer, a shaking rattle, a stroller ride around the block, laying on the ground sucking on his hands, being able to hold his head up, standing up on Mom or Dad's lap, tickle fights on the bed, splashing in the bath, Daddy's laugh, a bottle of milk, stories before bed, being rocked in a rocking chair, swinging, being thrown in the air, babbling to someone or himself, watching a mobile spin, and seeing ME smile! There are probably a few handful more things I could come up with, but the point is what happens as we grow up that makes it difficult for us to find joy in simple things?

I couldn't come up with an answer. For me I've found that I look for joy in going out to eat, buying new clothes, scrolling on social media, traveling, going to Disneyland, staying caught up on my favorite reality/drama TV shows, but is this true JOY I'm getting out of these kind of things. The times where I've felt real JOY honestly have been in simple things like the day I married Eric, seeing my son for the first time and then watching my husband tear up looking into his eyes, hearing my son laugh, hearing "I love you" from my husband, sweet kisses on the forehead, talking on the phone with my mom, being around friends and family, watching my son sleep so peacefully and seeing his sleepy smile when he wakes up in the morning. Basically things that don't cost money, waste time, or cause me to compare myself to others or feel unimportant. Today I chose to take the time to find joy in the moment I had with my sweet boy.

Those sweet baby hands and long eyelashes,

those beautiful blue eyes,

the way he curls his feet like I do, and you know what? I answered my question. I don't think we ever forget how to find joy in simple things. Instead, we choose to ignore the things that bring us true joy while being absorbed searching for joy in worldly things. I want to do better at noticing the small simple joys that everyday brings and not search for something I cannot get from things of the world.